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(Every time they sat down to talk, Ray became more and more reserved because he feared going through the same emotional roller coaster - he simply shut her out.) Also, Ray was trying to move on in the relationship before understanding what drove him to have an affair in the first place.

Despite her hard work, every time they would try to talk they would tailspin out of control.

(Knowing this information would prevent it from happening again.) Ray and Kathy needed help working together through the 10 dimensions of their relationship to slowly, but permanently, rebuild the trust in order to affair-proof their marriage.

After listening to her for 20 minutes, I told her the following three things with which she and Ray needed help: Kathy needed help taking control of her turbulent emotions, fighting off negative thoughts and restoring her self-worth so she could functionally communicate her pain to Ray.

Once she stumbled onto my information, she was almost without hope.

I explain the solution as three separate issues because th....

For example, Kathy would try to force Ray to share the details, but every time he would she would burst into tears and eventually start yelling.

She tried almost everything they suggested, but still felt disconnected, hopeless, and frustrated.

(Without believing the lie that it was her fault and drowning in a pool of self-hatred.) Ray needed help uncovering the reasons why he had the affair and understanding the pain Kathy was going through so he could give her an opportunity to heal and forgive him.

(Telling Kathy that she needed to "get over it" was like trying to hammer a bent nail into the wall- it would never work.) Kathy bought all the main-stream marriage books, watched the talk shows, and even bought a few marriage videos.

When they sat down to work things out, emotions would ignite and they would either engage in a ruthless argument or simply shut each other out.